Sketchbooks and Sleeping
by hazelgracegus
Summary: Sirius loves watching him. It doesn't really matter what he's doing; he loves the way Remus' eyes dart all over the place when he reads, he loves the way his head tilts ever so slightly to the side when he's confused, he loves the way his mouth moves when Remus speaks, shaping words with such care, and he loves watching Remus sleep.


Sirius loves watching him. It doesn't really matter what he's doing; he loves the way Remus' eyes dart all over the place when he reads, he loves the way his head tilts ever so slightly to the side when he's confused, he loves the way his mouth moves when Remus speaks, shaping words with such care, and he lives watching Remus sleep. When Remus sleeps, his chest heaving, lips slightly parted, Sirius swears he can see both sides of him: the wolf and the boy resting together.  
Sirius never meant to become such a stalker, really, he didn't, but one night when his own mind and worries about his family and the war wouldn't stop, Sirius had crept out of bed and gone to stand by the window. Remus' bed was closest to the window. So he had spent the night simply watching his friend sleep. And it had felt nice, natural even.  
After that, Sirius had starting looking at Remus all the time. Not just looking, but really seeing.  
He likes watching Remus sleep best, though, and it soon becomes a nightly occurrence. It's been going on for a month or so when James finds out.  
"Pads? What are you doing up?"  
Sirius jumped and desperately tried to act as though he hadn't jut been watching their friend sleep.  
James stares at him, eyes flickering between the sleeping Remus and Sirius before his look of bafflement becomes one of understanding. He says nothing, but gives sirius a significant look before returning to bed. Sirius is embarrassed, of course, but soon he forgets and jut goes back to staring.  
Peter gives Sirius a muggle sketch pad for Christmas. Sirius doesn't know whether James told him about Sirius' crumpled drawings of Remus that he had found at the bottom of sirius' trunk. Or if Peter figured it out himself. He wouldn't be surprised- Peter is a lot smarter than people give him credit for.  
So he draws him. After so many years of looking, and so many months of seeing, Sirius is amazed at how little he knows of Remus' looks. He's always prided himself on being a decent artist, but his drawings look nothing like the real thing, it takes another fortnight for sirius to produce a drawing that he's pleased with. It's of Remus reading. He has tiny crinkles around his eyes and a small frown on his face.  
It takes another fortnight of watching and drawing for Sirius to realize that he's in love with Remus. It happens slowly at first, just a glimmer of a thought in the back of Sirius' mind, but it grows and grows until he has to admit it to himself. He doesn't feel any different after realizing this, and a part of Sirius wonders if he's always loved Remus, from the very beginning.  
Remus finds sirius' sketchbook a week after this. He had gone up to be early, and when James, Peter, and Sirius come up an hour or so later, Remus is perched on the edge of his bed, a book in his hand. A sketchbook. Peter and Sirius both immediately recognize it, and while Sirius stands perfectly still, wishing the world would open up and swallow him, Peter grabs a confused James' hand and pulls him from the room, leaving the two boys alone.  
Remus looks up from the book, The ghost of a smile on a face. "you're a good artist, Pads. how come you Never told us?"  
Sirius doesn't move, panic filling him up.  
Remus stands up and moves closer. "the way you draw me, is that really how you see me? I look, I dunno, different. Handsome." the corners of his mouth twitch.  
Sirius barely nods. His feet don't want to move, despite his brain screaming at him to run. He clears his throat. "you are." he says "handsome, I mean." he quickly backtracks, "that is to say-I mean-  
But he is cut off by a pair of warm lips pressing to his. It takes him a moment to realize that this is Remus. Kissing him. And then he responds, grabbing Remus and pulling him close, one hand on his back, one in his hair. Yeah, he's in love.  
He still watches Remus more than he would care to admit, but now, it's not stalkerish anymore. Now when he watches his gorgeous boyfriend, his boyfriend smiles and watches Sirius with just as much intensity. And James, Peter, or anyone else in thee general vicinity usually clears out pretty fast, not wanting to witness what happened next.  
Sirius watching Remus.


End file.
